I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
