All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
