I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How many fucks given?
0.12846
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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