I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize