At least make sure they are 18
Why
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
