Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
