I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
