you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
