Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
