his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
