why didn't you poke me back
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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