No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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