I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
