Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
