just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
