I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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