The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She's the barista slut.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
