all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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