When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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