when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
