I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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