I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
