Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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