Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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