people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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