Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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