she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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