Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
