My girlfriend figured out who you are.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
