did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
