I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
