White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
