We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
