im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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