The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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