I want to walk on stilts...naked
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize