Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
