id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
