What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
