Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
