this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
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