Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
