So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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