Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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