okay pat passed out under dana's car
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
