Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
