she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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