shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
