I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
