Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
