The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize