I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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