Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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