Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize