Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize