you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
