shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Tell her she can't have a vagina
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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