omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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