Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Randomize
