i just had sex bonerless
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Houston, we have a blender
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
