my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
