Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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