It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize