Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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