no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Mom said you looked used
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
