hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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