I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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