Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
