I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
