wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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