dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
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