I just pynch a tree in the face
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
