she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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