guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
